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Dr. Annette N Hamel

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Dr. Annette N Hamel

Category Archives: Blog posts

Cynicism, Self-care, and “Crying in H Mart” (book)

08 Friday Jul 2022

Posted by annettenhamel in Blog posts, Book recommendations

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Dear students, colleagues, family, and friends,

Despite the fact that I’m not teaching during the second summer session, I’m still busy! I have four major projects going on, and also have to get four online learning sites ready to run by the end of August. Not to mention meetings galore! Hence, a weekly blog for the rest of the summer – look for me on Fridays.

Enjoying a late cup of coffee, while reflecting on July 4:

I have seen a lot of posts on social media expressing discouragement at the current state of politics and our country’s culture. We are sad. We are disillusioned. We are highly conscious that America is not the “shining city on the hill” on the world’s landscape – yet our anger and disillusionment are connected to an ember of hope, of belief in what we should be.

I fear we are losing sight of the fact that this country was founded on an ideal – and even at the time of its founding, that ideal had never been met. Our forefathers had an idea of what a “perfect union” would look like, and they dared to write it down: a land of freedom and justice and equality. Keep in mind that these men were born British citizens, rooted in a culture of class structure, where the idea of being “created equal” was something new. And yes, it didn’t extend to people of color, or to women, then or now. But it was a beginning.

I hear a lot of people say they “hate politics,” but what they mean is that they hate our current state of political impasse and hate speech from both sides. Politics, in its purest form, is a process of people trying to figure out how to live with one another. Figuring this out requires a certain amount of good faith on all sides, an empathy, a willingness to listen, an openness to having one’s mind changed. That’s where we’re lacking, where we need work. Our communication has become toxic.

Why are classrooms important?

Here’s an example. On discussion days, I start by having my students “graffiti the board” with words, phrases, and ideas they’d like to offer up for conversation on the day’s topic. This serves several purposes: it gives us a starting point, it allows introverts to contribute in relative anonymity, and it allows students to steer the discussion in ways they find meaningful. I facilitate, and direct, and guide us into channels, but they have to figure it all out. I’m not the “sage on the stage” dispensing wisdom they write into their notebooks. We create knowledge together, with me as director of the production.

Let’s talk about a book:

First, a quick note: I’m changing the way I talk about books. For a while there I tried reviewing multiple books at a time, and talking about everything I’d read. Going forward, I plan to talk about fewer books, and only the most meaningful ones. I read a lot of fluff too, “beach books” and the like, but some of those aren’t worth talking about or recommending. This one is.

“Crying in H Mart” is a memoir, by the lead singer of the group Japanese Breakfast. If you’re looking for it in the bookstore, you’ll probably find it shelved in the music or entertainment sections, rather than non-fiction or biography (though I think this is a mistake, or it should be shelved in both places – some readers are going to have a hard time finding it). In the book, Michelle Zauner shares stories of her upbringing as a Korean-American (no, she’s not Japanese, despite the name of her band). She begins in the present day with a reflection of what it’s like to shop in H Mart, a grocery store that carries Korean foods, and how the smells and flavors remind her of her mother, and of her childhood.

My own mother passed away last year, and I share a lot of Michelle’s bittersweet feelings about moving forward in my life without her presence. It’s interesting, because I didn’t have any direct connections with any of Michelle’s memories, yet the experience of reading about them was meaningful. I would recommend this book to those dealing with grief, illness, and the challenges of living with the loss of a vital part of your support system. We are all stronger than we think, and in time, the memories are uplifting and remind us that we were, and are, loved.

How’s your self-care going? This week, my self-care looked like this:

  • Homemade potato salad. Big chunks of potato with mayo (the real stuff), honey mustard, and a dash of curry powder. None of that store-bought stuff in a tub that never tastes quite right. I like it the way I make it, even though it takes time!
  • Fresh strawberries, and corn on the cob. Delightful things that are just coming into season, and are at their most plentiful and least expensive this time of year.
  • Painted my toenails bright purple. Because sometimes you gotta.
  • Stopped and took a deep breath when I wanted to fly into a rage about something – because flying into rages doesn’t solve anything, and takes a toll on the spirit.
  • Called my dad every day (he’s in an assisted living center). These conversations usually consist of topics like whether he won at bingo, or if he liked Jeopardy the previous night, or if he’s planning to go for a walk today – but really, isn’t this the stuff life is made of?

What are you doing for self-care lately?

Sending warm tidings to you all,

Annette

Pep talk: Keeping the faith in dark times

26 Saturday Mar 2022

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Pep talk: Getting quiet

25 Friday Feb 2022

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Pep talk: There’s never enough time!

07 Monday Feb 2022

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Pep talk: Passion or curiosity?

24 Monday Jan 2022

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Pep talk: Do you attack yourself?

19 Wednesday Jan 2022

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Humans are animals, and that explains a lot

09 Thursday Dec 2021

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Hello friends,

My college major was originally going to be behavioral psychology, but along the way I switched to communication. The disciplines share a lot of ideas, particularly in the areas of imprinting, and the ways we react to fear.

As small children, we learn to associate positive or negative consequences with various behaviors, so we discover which actions are socially appropriate, and which are not. This is fine, as far as it goes: if I do “X,” I get praise, whereas if I do “Y,” I get a scolding, or I hurt myself somehow. But I’m sure we can all identify instances where people were taught differently from social norms, and were rewarded for behaviors that many of us would consider “deviant.” The recent Oxford school shooting comes to mind, where the parents apparently enabled the child in obtaining a handgun and threatening his schoolmates.

As a culture, as a community of humans sharing space together, what do we sanction, and what do we punish?

Animals typically narrow their social preferences to those who share their immediate surroundings. Humans do this too, of course; we learn to feel comfortable with those who look and behave like we do. Difference, again, is considered “deviant,” and therefore threatening. This is all happening at a subconscious level, and once we become aware of these tendencies, we can choose to behave differently. Those who ridicule “wokeness” seem to take issue with this kind of self-examination, this call to reflect on what we’ve been taught, and whether we are conscious of the outcomes of our choices.

Animals are typically motivated by fear, including the human animal. Difference seems threatening, difference makes one an outsider to the community, difference triggers rejection – for those who are unwilling to reflect on their fear, their insider status, their privilege. As I tell my Intercultural Communication students, it takes courage to interact across difference; you have to be willing to feel scared, to be rejected, to make mistakes, to be embarrassed, to get it wrong. You have to be willing to hang in there and keep trying. You have to be willing to do the work.

Let’s never give up trying.

Blessings,

Annette

May be an image of 1 person, coffee cup and indoor

Pep talk: (un) happy holidays ahead?

15 Monday Nov 2021

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To stay, or walk away?

08 Monday Nov 2021

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Dear friends,

I belong to a number of social media groups, particularly on Facebook.  From time to time, things can get heated.  This week, two very active members have departed from one of these groups, and they left with a bang, not a whimper.  Both of these people chose to unleash their frustration and anger, then announce they were leaving.  They were quitting our sandbox, picking up their toys, and going home.  So there!

Their frustration was rooted in the fact that other members didn’t agree with their views.  Tensions were rising, no doubt due to the “disinhibition effect” – our tendency to act more freely when we can hide behind anonymity.  Add to that the irritation of being unable to change people’s minds on deeply personal issues, and you can have a recipe for disaster.

The moderator did her best to keep things civil, but in the end, these two individuals chose (separately, on different occasions and due to different issues) to pitch a fit and flounce out of the room.  Some members said “good riddance,” while others wished that fences could be mended.

When do you walk away from a contentious situation?  It’s a tough call, that requires balancing stress levels, effort, and the importance of the issue.  At some point, you might decide that the drama isn’t worth the aggravation, and that for your own sake, you must remove yourself from the situation.  That’s valid.  We’ve all done it.

It takes courage and fortitude to hang in there when you find yourself in the minority, to remain calm, to search for different ways to explain your opinion.  Sure, we’re more comfortable around “our own kind,” and it’s a lot more enjoyable to keep company with those who think as we do.  To stay is to be vulnerable, to open ourselves to attack.  That’s not fun.

But we just might learn something.

I’m not saying that anyone should stay in an abusive situation.  I’m referring to these online arguments where it’s so easy to walk away, to “hit and run,” to unfriend someone because we see the world differently.  While I might never see the world your way, I can developing my critical thinking skills, my tolerance level, and even arrive at a deeper clarity of my own beliefs by listening to what you have to say.

Let’s stay engaged, if we can.  Yes, we must look after our own stress levels, but taking a break isn’t the same thing as walking away completely.  We live in community with others – yes, even with “them.”

We’re divided, but I still have faith that diplomacy matters.

Blessings,

Annette

Pep talk: Thinking about scars

08 Monday Nov 2021

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Tags

pep talk, scars

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